Dear Linc,

So, I was bitching and moaning to Selma — who has been on the receiving end of my bitching and moaning since we were 12 (yes, I had things to bitch and moan about when I was 12) — about those sparse online dating profiles that I was bitching and moaning about in a prior never-to-be-sent.

I have spent my morning carefully reading three OkCupid profiles that Selma helpfully, ahem, sent to me after she reviewed them herself and determined that they’d be good matches because:

1. They contained enough text not only to qualify for the #lit and #longreads tags, but she correctly predicted that #lit and #longreads dating profiles are as interesting and entertaining for me to read as most books.
2. Each profile was written from someone who clearly demonstrated a wonderful sense of humor.
3. I was inspired to edit my profile, which has been so dormant that it still lists my job as copyediting and my favorite movie as Twilight. Hah! Made you look. I really did copyedit, though. And marketing.
4. One person quoted Mariah Carey.

In my old job, when I was gunning for a promotion, I actually once opened an e-mail to my boss with a lyric from “Through the Rain.” The one friend to whom I confessed that sad state of affairs was Wolfie, who now periodically brings up what he calls, simply, The Mariah Scary E-mail. (He doesn’t like Mariah Carey.)

Sadly, I can’t even remember what I wrote in the rest of that e-mail, which for all I know now lives on in the annals of weird shit that executives get from their underlings, nor can I recall how I tied a Mariah Carey song to wanting a promotion. In hindsight, maybe I should have quoted from Sade.

I’ll tell you you’re right when you’re wrong.

Joe

1. randomberlinchick likes this
2. sarka posted this